Tasty Tuesday...Hopefully a regular post

So here is a simple goal for myself.  On Tuesday's...hopefully every Tuesday...I will post a simple REAL food recipe for you.  One that doesn't take more than 10-15 minutes to prep.  Cook times will vary on the recipes.  But REAL food doesn't have to be hard.

My recipe today is Strawberry Banana Applesauce.  My boys love those little applesauce packages that you get at stores.  The portable ones...that look all cute and are handy to throw in your purse.  Well awhile back I bought my own reusable applesauce packs and now I've been making applesauce to put in them.

Last fall we picked apples at a friends house.  We literally had 3 or 4 diaper boxes full of apples!  I have left them in our porch against the house wall so they haven't frozen.  Gradually we've been eating them and using them in recipes, hot cereal, etc.  Today I decided to use a big chunk before they warmed up and started to go bad.

So here's the recipe...

You'll need enough apples cut in chunks to fill a stock pot 3/4 of the way.
4-5 bananas (brown ones are sweeter)
1/2 cup lemon juice (to preserve sauce and prevent browning)
2-3  cups frozen strawberries
Coconut sugar to taste (this is just to sweeten it to our liking naturally)

Simmer in a stock pot on low.  Stirring every now and then.  I leave the peelings on the apples and then  blend it all up in my vitamix.  Then we get the fiber along with everything else.  Once the apples are mushy...blend them up and serve!

Here's a link to the reusable snack bags we use for applesauce.  They wash up easily and seal well.

http://www.amazon.com/Squooshi-Reusable-Food-Pouch-Assorted/dp/B00AWJHB5G/ref=sr_1_2?s=grocery&ie=UTF8&qid=1392737438&sr=1-2&keywords=reusable+snack+bags

Getting My Groove Back, With a 3 Year Old on My Back

Exercise...my arch nemesis and best friend.  I have always gone through waves when I've been more diligent than other times.  However, over the past two years, I've made it a top priority because it strengthens my heart, boosts my mood, helps me keep my sanity, and sets a great example for my kiddos.

I have a confession to make.  I have not "formally" exercised since snowshoeing December 26, 2013.  I have been sledding with the boys (a great workout) a few times.  But other than that we've had one wave of sickness after another sweep through our home.  If I'm not sick, then one or both boys will be so I lose sleep and as a result don't make it to the gym in the morning.

I don't say this for self-pity.  I say this to show my reality and share that it happens to everyone!  I know there have been days I could have fit it in.  I just lost my groove.  I lost my motivation.  We've had a lot of personal upheaval and to be honest...I just didn't care.  I knew I should care but I didn't.

My scale number kept going up and my pants got a little more snug and finally, I said, "Enough is enough!".  So Saturday, I went and pushed myself hard with cardio for 45 minutes.  Sunday, I did 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of lunges, squats, man push-ups, crunches, and tricep curls.  Last night, the boys were up for various reasons, so we played musical beds and as a result...are all exhausted.

I knew I wasn't going to make it to the gym but I am recommitted to my health.  What could I do?  We have Amazon Prime and can stream the Instant videos onto our T.V.  So I decided to search for their free videos.  There was a Jillian Michaels Yoga work out.  Keep in mind...I am exercising with a 3 year old and 5 year old boy.  They are sitting on the floor with their legos but I know they're not going to stay there.

They easily accepted that I was going to work-out and before I knew it they were both down to their t-shirts and boxer briefs doing yoga.  I'm not into the spirituality side of yoga but the stretching and strengthening...totally up my alley!  I'm a kickboxing kind of gal.  This was a workout video I could do with the kids without kicking them in the face or across the room.  I didn't sweat as much as running but I did feel the burn.

So three days in a row.  I'm hoping to incorporate the yoga video into my week with the Superheroes.  They enjoyed it and even though some of the push-ups and planks involved a 3 year old sitting on my butt...it was worth it.  Crunches involved an added 37 pound weight sitting on my chest as I lifted and lowered my legs.  I know I'll feel the burn tomorrow and I know my kids had me model health and quality time with them.

Life Lessons from a Hermit Crab

In life you get advice from people on dating, parenting, school, food, diet, etc.  It's been two years, to the day, since my heart attack.  At this time 2 years ago, I was sitting in an emergency room and they were trying to figure out what in the world had happened.  Since then, I've realized more and more...that my advice needs to come less from other people and more from God.  More from examining myself, examining my heart, praying for His clear guidance and stepping out in faith.

So how does this relate to a hermit crab?  Last week, my oldest Superhero had earned his hermit crab.  He had taken care of our dogs for a full month (and then some) and now got to get a new pet.  Since I'm not comfortable with taking on more than I need...it was narrowed down to hermit crab or fish.  We went to the pet store with my starry eyed boys.  They were soooo excited.  Each one had a small cart and planned on helping stock up on the supplies we needed.  We quickly found an employee to stock up our cart and then went to get the two crabs.

Easy right?  Superhero #1 got his and it was gently set in the palm of his hand.  He patiently sat there and the crab sat patiently.  Superhero #2 picked his and since he was a little skittish, we set the hermit crab on my hand and the kind young college employee left to get a container.  This is where things got a bit dicey!  Superhero #2's crab decided I was a fun surface to latch onto.  Not just latch onto but DEATH GRIP!  It took plus or minus 5 minutes, two employees, four to five removal techniques, and finally a full body baptism of the crab in a pitcher of water to get him to release and even still he held on under water for 30 seconds or so.  Three days later and I still have a little pincher bruise from the bugger!

So what did I learn from the crab?  I'm a lot like him.  I get a little skittish when I'm out of my comfort zone and then when I relax and decide it's my new comfort zone...I LATCH ON WITH A DEATH GRIP and refuse to let go.  It might not even be in my best interest!  At the big chain pet store...there were a TON of crabs in one little tank.  I was offering him greener pastures, he didn't know this, but he needed to trust me.  But once we trust God and allow Him to (stay with me now...I know it's a stretch) submerse us with His spirit...we may hang onto the old for a bit but eventually we learn that it's just so much better to let go than to be suffocated by our old ways.

This has been my journey the past 2 years.  I've been learning little by little with many steps forward and many steps backwards that I need to trust God more even if I don't know what's ahead.  I'll be honest with you...right now I'm having a hard time sitting and trusting what is in our future.  The loss of my dad, the anniversary of my heart attack, seeing my boys growing so quickly, leaves me a bit unsettled.  I want to KNOW what is up next.  I want to have a plan.  There are things I want and long for but I don't know if they're in our future.  But God wants us to trust and His plan has always been so infinitely better than mine.

Oh...and by the way.  We did get the hermit crabs, Hermie and Mike.  They're happily living in a 20 gallon tank with fresh water every day, daily misting by their boys, and fresh food in their dish daily.  They even have a little cave to hang out in if they feel like "getting away from it all."  The only one a bit skittish around them is me.  :-)

If you Smack Yourself in the Face...Don't forget to Laugh

So this summer, I have been stress eating.  I won't go into what the stress is about.  This isn't a sob story about me.  I've gained 10 pounds since January and I know it's time to lose it.  I don't feel like I'm at my peak and my heart, my energy level, and my jeans show that.  :-)

I haven't been my "Superhero Mama" self so I needed to get back into it.  Not working out as much, not reading my bible as much, not going to bed as early, eating more 'sometimes' food, just not feeling as positive.  I try to be careful how I talk about my body and my weight in front of the superheroes.  I want them to know that strong can come in many shapes and sizes and that it's a full body, mind, faith in God package that develops strength.  So I've never said anything about it in front of them but I have made a shift backwards so I need to make that conscious shift forward again.

Step 1...I got back into my daily Bible readings (somehow life crowded them out).  Step 2... I started doing the couch to 5k program with the goal of increasing my speed (I can already run a 5k but I'm slow.).  So I run the intervals at a faster pace and the challenge is motivating me again.  Step 3...Then I started looking for new strength training routines I could do to "shake things up" a bit.

This brings me to the laughing part.  I was doing a new routine this morning.  You take a medicine ball.  Hold it over your head with your feet a little wider than shoulder width apart.  Then with your arms straight you (in one fluid movement...hypothetically), throw the ball down, move to a squat, pick up the ball from the floor and stand back up with the ball above your head...ready to start again.

Sounds great right?  I picked the 12 pound ball...seemed good since I've been doing more than that for other things.  Then I read the directions...it said "Throw forcefully".  So I did.  Wouldn't you know it...that ball bounced back up...hit me in the chin and threw me off balance.  Needless to say, I didn't complete the squat but I did start laughing.  In the past, I would have been mortified and not wanted to try again.  I would have berated myself for my clumsiness and not wanted to have anyone see me attempt it again.  I would have cut myself down.  But instead...I laughed.  I picked the ball up again and this time...I didn't "throw forcefully".  It went much more smoothly.

When I got home my muscles were happily sore and I was still laughing.  I woke up my Handsome Hubby for the day and shared my highlight with him.  He just smiled.  "I bet you didn't know you married such a graceful woman!".

My point.  Don't be afraid to try.  Don't take yourself too seriously.  This journey to health is hard!  I was smooth sailing and let myself slip some.  So I gained 10 pounds.  It's OK!  I will get back in shape.  I just need to find a new challenge.  Now I've found it and away I go.  I also needed to focus on my entire self, my faith, my food, my sleep.  Working out alone doesn't cut it.  I needed to drown out those negative voices from the old me and tell them to SHUT UP!  Then I needed to relax and take it ONE...MOMENT...AT...A...TIME!  The journey is long but it's worth it.  Cut yourself some slack...laugh when the medicine ball smacks you in the face...and keep moving.

God wants you close to Him...taking care of your relationship with Him (#1 priority!!!) and the body/mind He gave you is part of that.

Matthew 7:13-14

New King James Version (NKJV)

 “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it.  Because^[a] narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.

Needing to Wait

I am not a patient person by nature.  Needing to wait for anything is difficult for me.  Waiting for my garden to grow...tough but exciting.  Waiting to find out if we were having a boy or a girl for both of my pregnancies...tough but exciting.  I am the person at Christmas and birthdays that wants to see the surprise and joy on the other person's face when they open their gifts.  I have a hard time waiting.

This morning, I poured my first batch of kombucha into small bottles and added a bit of flavor...strawberry lemonade to one and mango juice to the other.  Now I wait for 48 hours for it to ferment again.  I have to admit...I tasted it plain and was scared at first and then delightfully pleased.

So here's to waiting...the best things come to those who wait.

"They that wait upon The Lord , shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles.  They shall run and not grow weary.  They shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:31

Opening Up Each Moment

One of the things I value most about working with kids and having kids of my own is how everything can be seen through their eyes if we just take the time to listen and "be" with them.  I'm trying to soak up every moment of time with my boys.  You see...I desperately want more children.  My heart and soul aches for them but we're trying to see what direction God wants us to go at this point.  Every milestone, every moment, every laugh, every look of sheer joy...it is cherished these days as it should always be.

I look tired in the picture above.  My younger one has been up with growing pains the past 3 nights and I'm trying to get back into the 5-7 day per week workout routine while trying to keep and maintain that fine balance of being a mom, a wife, and a person who exercises 5+ hours per week.  But I wouldn't trade the sleepless nights for anything.  It's the time I get to snuggle with an almost 3 year old boy who is usually moving non-stop during the day.  The time I have his fuzzy head nuzzled next to the crook of my neck hearing him breathe and smelling his little boy sweat.

My older son, just got his first pair of glasses.  I almost cried seeing the excitement and joy on his face as he realized the picture books from the library had more words and the pictures were so "crisp and clear".  To think of what he'd been missing?  All those coloring sheets he hated in school.  All that handwriting work?  All that stuff he couldn't see but quietly  and without complaining did.  It breaks my heart.  Now he wears his glasses proudly right up until he crawls into bed.  He sets them carefully into his case every night and gently cleans them with his special cloth every morning.

I know it seems I'm rambling and in fact I am to some extent but there is a point.  Just be patient with me.   I had my cardiology check-up today and it went well.  I'm shifted to the yearly schedule instead of the 6 month schedule.  I feel good.  I did gain 6 pounds since the last visit which was a bummer but he wasn't concerned.  I type that here to be honest and to hold myself accountable.  I can't keep slipping...I'm 12 pounds from my heart attack weight.  In all honesty...I've been lazy.  I let life get away from me and stepped away from my commitment to work-out.  I've snacked a bit more.  Cheated a bit more.  And I can see it and feel it.

I seem to be hyper-aware of the time we have on this earth these days and making my moments matter.  I'm sitting on the floor and playing more.  We've gotten rid of a few more overflow toys so there's less cleaning for me to do.  In 3 weeks time, we've had friends over for 2 dinner parties, been to a dinner party and are having another one tomorrow.  I want to enjoy the moments I have left here and also make the moments impact others in a positive way.

All of these little snapshots are mundane, day to day things that could seem meaningless.  We're in a reality t.v. show society that enjoys and thrives on drama.  So much in fact that the media and even individuals try to create their own drama to make life more exciting.  But in the midst of that we forget to enjoy the simple everyday.  The moments that we can choose to be frustrating or fun.  The moments we can choose to enjoy or get uptight about.  The moments we can choose to work or play.  

I'm not saying we shirk every duty or that we can't ever be serious...but I am saying that God gave us a gift.  He's given me a second chance at life.  I can enjoy this gift He's given me or I can whine, complain, pout, micro-manage, clean, or get frustrated about everything until I've somehow sucked out all the joy from the life that He's tried to hand to me on a silver platter.  Don't just wait for the big moments.  

Enjoy the sweaty head snuggles at 3 in the morning when you just want to be sleeping.  Enjoy the endless hours of playing Thomas the Train, tower building, Hot Wheels, and playground play.  Enjoy the laughter, the giggles, the stories, their innocence, the butterfly chasing, dragonfly spotting, and talking to the bird feeder birds.  Engage in it.  Be part of it.  Don't sit on the sidelines.  Life's too short and every single moment is a gift.  Open each moment with the joy and wonder you had as a child.

Take the Risk

So I love paddling.  Love it!  I planned this trip out for my birthday thinking I would get a large group of women to go.  I invited more than is wise thinking that people would have commitments and have to cancel.  That's exactly what happened and it got down to 2 people and myself.

Taking the Risk moving away from my home state to another one...6 years ago on my birthday I married this handsome man.  Thankful for our journey together!

I really didn't know either well.  I just knew their names.  They didn't know each other at all.  But as we talked I realized the common threads that were woven between our stories.  In a few hours, we shared thoughts, stories, feelings, and emotions that will not be posted here out of respect to them and myself.

What I want to post is how important for us to reach out of our comfort zone and take the risk.  Take the risk of making a new friend and meeting a new person.  Take the risk of sharing a little more about yourself and taking off the mask of a "perfect" life.  When I do take that risk...I'm so much more free.  I don't have to live under the fascade that I don't make mistakes and that my life if perfect.  I can live under the truth that I'm me and it's enough and it's great.

Before I left, I'll admit, I told my Handsome Hubby, "I'm a bit nervous.  I hope we find stuff to talk about.  I know it will be good but I'm nervous."  He smiled, kissed me and said, "Go have fun.  It will be great."  He was right.

Three women who didn't know each other very well (other than names) went paddling today.  We took the risk.  It was freeing.  Happy Birthday to me!  :-)  Now go do something for yourself...even if it's not your birthday.

Birthday Blues

It seems every year on my birthday for the past 15 years or so, I've had a more difficult time celebrating.  I know part of it stems from a past relationship where gifts were thoughtlessly given and sometimes hurtful.  But I've heard of many others who struggle on their birthdays so I think the bigger issue is self esteem.

For whatever reason, I struggle with "deserving" a celebration.  I don't want to make a big deal out of my birthday.  I buy myself gifts now and then but even those are minimal.  When it comes to my birthday I struggle with having someone buy me something.  Yet when it comes to others, I want to buy them anything and everything they want.

As I have thought about this the past few days, I think about how it's impacting my kids.  I don't want them to feel like they don't deserve a gift or party.  Thankfully, I married a man who likes to invite friends over and makes a big deal out of birthdays and Mother's Day.  He pampers me for the day and has a party, makes the cake, makes the meal, does the dishes, etc.  I enjoy every minute but it feels very awkward for me at the same time.  It's taken me time to learn to accept this pampering and it's still hard. He's very frugal the rest of the year but he remembers the important days.

This year, I'm making a conscious effort in reclaiming my sense of worth.  I'm trying to consciously pamper myself.  To buy myself an unsweetened iced tea if I want it.  To exercise.  To sleep in on weekends when I'm tired.  And for my birthday I've planned a canoe day trip with women I know.

Out paddling on our honeymoon in Colorado

Did I ever tell you I used to lead canoe trips for women who had never gone before?  I used to be so adventurous back in the day.  I would head out for 7 days into the wilderness with food, tents, sleep pad, and gear on my back.  Somehow, being a mom and wife, I lost a bit of myself in the day to day.  Superhero #1 saw my paddles in their fleece bag hanging in the garage.

Superhero #1:  "Mom, what are those?"
Me:  "Those are Mama's canoe paddles buddy."
Superhero #1:  "Did you ever use them?"
Me:  "Yes, Mama used to use them all the time.  I'd go on camping trips in canoes and go from place to place camping."
Superhero #1:  "But, Why don't you use them now?
Me:  "That's a good question buddy, I think I should.  I think we should go out paddling sometime this summer too."

After that conversation, I planned my day trip.  So today, I'm going out on the water with 3 women who I barely know but who seem genuine and kind.  I'm that crazy woman who gets other women out on the water again.  I am loved by my family and God.  I am worth celebrating (even if I struggle with it.).

Today...go celebrate you.  You're a child of God.  A gift to others.  Don't ever forget that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNqAHrNNLqA

A Letter to My Younger Self

Sometimes, I wish I could write a letter to my younger self and help myself navigate the pitfalls that I stumbled upon.  Life hasn't always been easy but God has always been good.  So this is what I would write if I could send myself a letter back in time.  Attending graduation open houses and weddings has caused me to be a bit more reflective than normal.

With my best friend and her son (my godson) at his baptism.  Several years ago...time flies

Dear Me,

I want you to know that you're important.  You will meet people in life that try to use you verbally, physically, sexually, and emotionally.  Don't let them in.  It's ok to stand up for what you believe in and be respectful at the same time.  If someone makes you feel "less than" or ashamed for being who you are then don't take in their yuck.  That's not your "stuff".  It's their "stuff"  You are worth so much more.

Remember to take time for yourself.  You know that Bible that grows dusty sometimes that you can't seem to remember verses from?  Read it.  The words God put there will write themselves on your heart and you'll suddenly remember them when you're at the bottom of the bottom.  Your devotional?  Use it. Exercise?  Do it!

You know how you turn to food sometimes for comfort and then end up feeling worse afterwards.  Stop the cycle.  You'll think more clearly and be more able to take care of yourself.  Your weight will stop going up and down.  Your body and mind will feel better.

Don't focus on making everyone else happy.  Listen to God's quiet voice and He'll direct your path to a happier place than you can imagine.  I wish I could stop you from struggling like I did with pleasing everyone and losing myself in the process.  I want you to know that trying to please everyone else...it just stresses you out and usually...they either aren't looking for you to please them or they'll never be happy anyway.  You are a precious beautiful child of God.  That's what matters and He's happy because He made you.

Change the way you talk to yourself.  Don't feed yourself negative messages!  You're hurting yourself.  It takes some reprogramming but it's worth it.  When you are positive with yourself and confident in who are, you'll attract healthy friendships.  When you aren't, you attract others who have low self-esteems.

When you're dating... make time for yourself.  When you're in college and grad school...make time for yourself.  When you get married...make time for yourself.  When you have kids...make time for yourself, even if it's just an hour or two away grocery shopping per week.  You need it.  If you don't do it who will?

When the going gets tough (and it will), always, always, always remember to trust and turn to God.  He will get you through.  I'm here, stented heart, formerly abused woman (past relationship), out of depression survivor and all.  He can and will make beauty from ashes.  The more I've trusted and followed Him the less ashes I've had to walk through or the more the ashes look beautiful to me.  


Love,
Me

Facing Fears

I don't like sharing in front of groups.  Yet one thing I learned during my teaching years was that I was more than capable of doing it and when I got in the "zone" it flowed.  I would relax after the first couple minutes and was fine.

Over the past 6 years I haven't needed to worry about presenting in front of anyone. I haven't been formally teaching.  I haven't been formally presenting anywhere.  I've been a stay at home mom and wife.  I've loved it.  But it's easy to get in your little bubble and not challenge yourself.  In doing that, I think we end up limiting ourselves sometimes.  In limiting ourselves, I have to ask...are we really living life to the fullest or are we just playing it safe?

What living should look like...

Today, my Handsome Hubby and I presented at his work for their Wellness Wednesdays lunch meeting.  He did his part of the presentation and then I was up.  I'll be honest, I was terrified.  I considered backing out several times.  But I knew it wasn't what I was supposed to do.  I was meant to present and that's what I did.  I was scared for the first minute or two.  I shared my abbreviated story of why clean eating means so much to me.  How I survived a heart attack at the age of 34.  Then I found my groove and it flowed.

Before I presented, I prayed for strength and that God would give me the words to speak.  There was so much I could have covered.  I prayed He would use me for what He wanted covered.  It might sound strange if you don't share my faith but that's what I wanted.  I wanted to be as useful as possible.  I wanted my words to help someone else.  For the knowledge we've gained as a couple over the past year to benefit someone else like it has our family.

I faced my fears.  I was proud of myself.  I chose to live and not stay in my bubble.  I want to choose living everyday.

Psalm 56:3  When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.

More Sleep with Early Rising Kids

So this isn't really just our secret...my sister tipped me off to it.  You can read her blog at Just B.  She has a little guy who is an early riser like my boys.  One advantage is that he is 2 years older so she learns things and passes them onto me.  She also passes his clothes onto us but that's another story.

What we want!

Sleep is crucial to so many body functions.  It keeps you sane.  It helps you're immune system.  It helps your body heal.  It restores strength for the new day ahead.  It reduces stress. The list could go on and on.

Now if you have kids...you know sleep deprivation comes with the territory right?  My kids have not been "good" sleepers when they were younger.  My oldest had allergy issues that we didn't figure out until he was 14 months old.  By that point he was used to waking up frequently.  Combine that with teething (which was difficult for him) and the birth of our second child and I really didn't sleep for a long time.

What we get!

As Superhero #1 grew he began to sleep better but there were times he would wake up so early.  I couldn't figure out why he wouldn't fall back to sleep.  My sister gave me one of her tips that she learned from a friend with diabetes but of course after awhile I forgot.

Fast forward to last week.  Both of my boys were waking up early!  The one was waking up every day at roughly 2:30 a.m.  and the other was waking at about 6 a.m.  The one would be awake for awhile with me and finally collapse into sleep (with me passing out by their side in our guest bed).  The other would come in at 6 a.m. and ask if he could get up and I would try to fall back to sleep for awhile.

The red rocking chair where I was spending my nights

This was becoming unproductive for all of us.  The entire household was becoming progressively more tired and as a result a bit more on edge.  My sister had just returned from her trip to Haiti (to see the little girl she's adopting) and was commenting on how her son was waking up super early when she was gone.  She had forgotten to tell our parents her trick to getting him to sleep in a bit more.  AHA!  I REMEMBERED HER TIP!

Tiredness in the home from way back when

So last night, after a week of sleep deprivation and a 5 year old that was getting pretty crabby, weepy, and emotional...I gave them...(INSERT DRUM ROLL HERE) a protein and carb before bedtime.  The protein is the key to keep them from having a blood sugar level drop right before morning.  This drop in  blood sugar causes a person to awake and not be able to fall back to sleep even though they need more sleep.  So did it work?  Superhero #2 woke up once (to sleep with me) and then was back to sleep until 8 a.m.!  Superhero #1 who was previously waking up at 6 a.m. is still sleeping and it's 9 a.m.!!!!  I did the same as the boys and I slept better too!

Raring to go!

Some Carb/Protein combinations for kids...

1. Celery sticks with nut or seed butter and raisins or dried fruit
2. Banana with nut or seed butter
3. Paleo or sprouted grain bread with nut/seed butter
4. boiled egg and fruit (our favorite)
5. Dried fruit and nuts (trail mix)
6. Uncured lunch meat and cheese rolled up with a side of favorite fruit
7. Nut granola with milk and fruit 
8. Yogurt with nut granola or chopped nuts/seeds
9. Meat & cheese on Nut Thins or paleo crackers
10. Hummus with veggies (carrots are carbs)

Sure, I missed going to the gym since I don't set an alarm when I'm sleeping with my little guys.  But ALL OF US slept more!  Thank you Jesus!  Literally!  May peace be restored to the home!

Try it out...see if it helps and let me know!  My Handsome Hubby and I are happy with the result!

Check out my guest post on Modern Alternative Health today...it's sharing a little bit on how to create a garden tailored for your family and your space.  Gardening Tailored for You

Why?

With some new readers and some old and a need to articulate what I've been feeling lately...today will be a reflective entry for me.  Due to multiple events and questions I've needed to revisit the age old question of "Why?".  Why do I eat the way I do?  Why am I exercising so much?  Isn't it putting too much of a strain on my heart?  Why do I do most things holistically for my health and yet take one medication that the cardiologist prescribes?  Why?

Honestly, because of the people in the picture below.

Initially, I did everything out of fear.  Really, that's what it was.  I feared that if I didn't DO everything right I would keel over and die right on the floor.  Then for awhile it was control.  If I did "X", "Y", and "Z" I wouldn't have another heart attack.  

Gradually, I realized I needed to do it for me and for my family.  I realized that I would not, could not get answers at this time from the medical professionals that I see because my case is unique.  It's rare.  I'm an anomaly.  If you want to know more you can read my About section.

So I began to read more about health.  I had always tried to be healthy but now it was my lifeline.  Now it went from a curiosity to a passion.  Since I couldn't get complete answers in the hospital and doctors offices I started reading more.  I read about stress on the body, about inflammation, about foods and things that cause stress and inflammation of the body.  How inflammation and stress can impact the heart, your health, etcetera.

Keep in mind that I didn't stop what they were telling me to do.  I've continued taking the one medication that I'm on.  I managed to get them to wean me off 2 others.  So I'm VERY happy with that.  I question them incessantly and have a doctor that looks into answers for me.  My cardiologist is the one that wants me exercising and hour 5 to 7 days out of the week to create extra pathways in my heart.  To strengthen my heart.

I also know that I can control some factors but ultimately God is in control. However, He did give me a brain and common sense.  I can eat right.  I can exercise.  I can pray.  I can read my Bible.  I can pursue and build healthy relationships and create boundaries or end unhealthy relationships.  I can get sleep.  I can put the candy away (my weakness).  I can practice healthy self talk and encourage myself and others so I'm contributing to health and not stress.  I can let go of worry.  I can take time for myself and not feel badly about it.  I can play with the kids and let the house be messy.

Will some questions remain unanswered?  Yes.  And I need to let that go and live with it.  It is what it is.  God kept me around for a reason and I need to trust Him in that.

Does that mean I'll be perfectly healthy for the rest of my life and live to be 90?  I hope so but honestly I don't know.  What I do know is that I have a 5 year old sleeping right now who asked his Mama if we would go to heaven at the same time.  He said he doesn't want to be left alone without me.   I know that broke my heart.  I know it was related more to him realizing what "dead" meant after seeing his dad's dead turkey in the driveway than my hospital visits.  But I know even if it started with a dead turkey, his fears were real.  His tears were real.   

So tomorrow, I'll wake up early.  Get my gym clothes on.  And push myself.  Because I don't want my little 5 year old or my 2 1/2 year old or my 42 year old to be left alone.  That is why I do this.  I feel alive, strong, and happy and it's the best feeling in the world.

Patchwork Pants

So I don't like throwing things out.  At all.  But I've learned to let go of things over the years and how freeing it can be.  In moving several times over the years I realize I don't want to haul all my "stuff" from one house to the next.  I've also learned that I don't need it all.  So despite my affinity for being a packrat...I've managed to thin out things.

One thing I have held onto is fabric and yarn.  I love crafting.  I love creating something with my hands or sewing machine and seeing someone enjoy it.  I love seeing something that was on it's way out the door being repurposed.  Little did I know that this thriftiness that I've been living would become the "in" thing.  I was just following in the footsteps of my family.

This week, the time had come to patch my Superheroes jeans.  They're blowing out the knees in all of their pants!  I knew my oldest would want them to look "cool" so I decided to be creative and dig in my fabric bin.  A little cutting, sewing , and fabric glue later...we had patched pants.  I only have a picture of one pair here because my almost 5 year old won't take his off (except to wash and dry at night).

My point in all this...before you automatically throw something out...see if you can make it into what you want.  We're in a "throw-away" culture.  We want something...we buy it.  We don't want something...we throw it out and replace it.  I am VERY guilty of that mind-set.  But I also know that I feel much more rewarded when I work with my hands or find a quirky little something at a garage sale or Salvation Army after a long hunt.  My kids seem to get into it too.  It's more rewarding.  It can become a family project.  It saves money.  It's fun!

Not Your Lazy Saturday

Sometimes we have lazy Saturdays.  We don't have any commitments.  We play at home, do yard work, stay caught up on laundry, etcetera.  This was not your lazy Saturday.  My feet hit the floor running at 6:30 a.m. and stopped moving at 9:40 p.m.  I literally did not sit down for a single meal.  I do not recommend this for anyone.  Especially a heart attack survivor who is supposed to be "managing stress".  However, life is life.  Sometimes you find yourself packing it in.

I woke up this morning to my sweet Superhero #2 calling for me.  So we played a little on his car mat with him explaining types of cars to me while the oven heated.  Next, he helped me make two new muffin creations using coconut flour.  I have to admit, coconut flour has not been my favorite flour of choice.  So if you're like me and don't like the texture of coconut baked goods, you may want to consider these recipes.  I made pineapple-coconut muffins and mini blueberry muffins with my boy.  They were so good and everyone devoured them as soon as they cooled.  The pineapple ones reminded me of pineapple upside down cake.  Both were from two of my favorite food blogs on whole food eating...Elana's Pantry had the blueberry muffins and The Nourishing Home had the Pineapple-Coconut muffins.

I did adapt both recipes some.  With the blueberry muffins I used melted coconut oil and grade b maple syrup instead of the grapeseed oil and agave nectar.  Coconut oil is a natural anti-inflammatory, big in "healthy fats", anti-microbial, adds moisture to baked goods, and the list goes on and on.  I replaced the butter in the Pineapple-coconut muffins with melted coconut oil and then used lactose free whole milk that I had in the fridge since I didn't have any kefir or yogurt.  Some of us have dairy allergies here so I try to limit it as much as possible.  I'm not against dairy...just against my reaction to it.

After that we left for soccer and I met a friend to go whole food grocery shopping.  She is overhauling her family's eating and feeling a bit overwhelmed.  So we met at a local health food store, traveled to Costco and introduced her to the corporate wonderland there and then parted ways for me to complete my shopping.

I arrived home to hungry kids and a Handsome Hubby who needed food for his wild turkey hunting trip this weekend.  So...I put on my cooking hat (figuratively) and started cleaning up from breakfast.  Then I made a bean salad for him with my own recipe.

Huge bowl of Greek Bean salad...ready for the road

Greek Bean Salad
2 cans white canellini beans (rinsed and drained)
1 cup chopped pepperocini
1 cup chopped kalamata olives
1 tsp Italian seasoning
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp garlic powder
grape tomatoes (if you have them...I didn't today)
feta cheese to taste

Mix above ingredients together and enjoy!  It's so tasty!  High in carbs but when he's out hiking all day he needs them and burns through them.  He is meeting a hunting buddy so I made a HUGE bowl today.  All of the ingredients above are approximate.  Honestly...I just dump things in and taste until it seems right.

While I was chopping things up for that I started making my "secret spaghetti sauce".  It's really not a secret...it's natural sweet Italian sausage from the local health food supermarket that I bake and grind up in my food processor.  Next I found that the Kirkland brand spaghetti sauce has no added sugar or junk and as a bonus...IT'S CHEAP!  So I pour the 3 jars of that with my 3 pounds of sausage and we're set for spaghetti, lasagna, pizza, and breadsticks.  I sent a bag of mung bean noodles with him and some sauce so BAM another meal done.

Secret Spaghetti Sauce

Secret Spaghetti Sauce
3 lbs Italian sausage
3 jars Kirkland Marinara Sauce

Bake sweet Italian sausage at 350 for 30 minutes.  Remove from oven and cool for 10 minutes.  Cut links in "chunks" and grind in food processor.  You'll have to do several small batches.  Place ground sausage into large stockpot with the marinara sauce.  Simmer for 20-30 minutes and enjoy!

So with the dishwasher running and the counter still a mess I decided to throw some laundry in and cook more!  I'm crazy I know.  I made some turkey sliders for him to take and for us to eat while he's gone.  It's a favorite recipe from The Food Network and while it does include cheese I just try to limit how much I eat.  Here's the link if you're interested...unfortunately I didn't get pics of these.

Then with Superhero #1 celebrating his birthday at school on Monday and us having a busy day at church tomorrow I decided to do the unthinkable...bake more!  They had to be nut free but coconut flour was ok.  So I made two different coconut flour recipes.  One is for a white cupcake with a maple buttercream frosting.  The recipe may look intimidating but trust me...it's worth it.  My son always wants chocolate cake and this one was his favorite.  It came from the website Deliciously Organic.  She has wonderful information on how she healed Hashimoto's disease by eating whole foods.

Blueberry muffins, Pineapple coconut muffins, White cupcake with maple buttercream frosting and Chocolate cupcake with chocolate buttercream frosting

The second was from Elana's Pantry.  I think she must live in the kitchen because she always has so many incredible recipes and this one hit the mark again.   I did exchange melted coconut oil for the grapeseed again and used honey instead of the agave nectar.  My husband loved these the best and I honestly don't know what I like more.  I used some of the whipped buttercream from the white cupcakes and mixed it with the chocolate ganache type frosting that I had and it made a light fluffy chocolate buttercream.

In the midst of all this Superhero #2 played with water on the floor next to me showing me how to pour things, blow bubbles with straws, measure marbles in the cup with water, and many other things.  I had to experiment on and off as well and that area on the kitchen floor is SO clean.  He also saw fit to experiment with how well marbles roll on the wood floor.  He was very successful with that endeavor too.

Some playdough and Hot Wheels cars later I am finally sitting.  WHAT  A  DAY!  But you know what? Tomorrow I can relax a bit more and there are enough leftovers frozen and saved in the fridge that I don't have to cook at all while Handsome Hubby is gone.  Maybe you can all pray with me that he gets his turkey the first morning and comes home early like last year!  Enjoy the recipes...I just wouldn't recommend making them all in one day!

The Importance of Play

All over the news headlines we hear of horrific things happening to children.  It gets to the point when we don't want to read them.  We just want to close our eyes and make it go away.  I do believe, some of these problems could have been lessened or diverted if we just took more time to play.  I'm guilty of it too.  I get so busy with my own stuff that I forget the importance of play.

In graduate school, when I learned about teaching kids who were Deaf and Hard of Hearing we talked about this.  We talked about all the incidentals that kids learn from interacting with their parents in the hearing world (both good and bad things).  Kids with a hearing loss miss out on a lot if their parents aren't willing to figure out a way to communicate with them.  However, that got me thinking, how many hearing kids are missing out for the same reason?

Play has value.  It's not just play.  It teaches vocabulary, sharing, role playing, use of imagination, communication, healthy emotional expression, etc.  Play is crucial to a child's development and while we don't have to be playing with them nonstop...we should spend some time doing it to demonstrate healthy social skills and learn about what they're thinking.

Today I helped at Superhero #1's school with picture day.  It's a small preschool and they let me bring Superhero #2 along.  I made sure he was ok and left him in the 3 year old room (he's 2 1/2) and went on my way to help.  Much to my surprise, his first day of "preschool" was fine.  He didn't cry at all.  No potty training accidents.  Played well with others.  Did the projects. It was only half of a day then we all ate lunch together and went out on the playground.

I was supervising the kids and letting them play on their own for about the first 30 minutes.  However, as time went on, I realized I wanted to play with my Superheroes.  I pushed my oldest on the swing set (along with 3 other boys) and then moved on to sitting in the rocks with my youngest.

It started with a small Tonka truck and him.  We were at the "rock quarry" and loading the truck, dumping it, loading it, dumping it, etc.  I was using all of my excellent truck noises when a little girl asked to play.  He  said yes and that scenario repeated itself until we had 8 or more kids huddled around one Tonka truck.  They were learning how to share, vocabulary, social skills (don't throw the rocks in the air :-)  ) and so much more.  They were also having fun and learning that they mattered.  They were important.  They were valued.  Someone took time for them, called them by name, looked them in the eye.  Isn't that what we want as adults?  Makes sense to me and it makes for much happier kiddos too.

Granted we can't change the world.  However, we can change a kid's life by giving them a little more time and attention.

Healthy Doesn't Have to be Hard...

I hear the argument over and over that it just sounds too hard to eat an unprocessed diet.  Sometimes it's the busy day argument.  Maybe you travel a lot.  Maybe you aren't big on cooking.  Maybe your kids are picky.  I do agree that it takes a little more prep work.  When I have to shuttle one to preschool, make it to appointments, pick him up, etc...I have to think ahead a bit.  But you have to ask yourself why you're doing it.  Some things in life are hard.  Raising kids...is hard but I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world.  Marriage can be hard...but the rewards are worth it.  College or graduate school can be hard...but the degree is worth it.  So why is it we're willing to sacrifice and invest in those things but not the health of our family or our own health?

Yesterday was a busy day.  My handsome hubby had just returned from a longer trip at 2:30 in the morning.  The kids were excited to see him (and so was I).  We were all tired.  We had to get ourselves out the door in time for preschool, get the last of our grocery shopping in for the week (I try to do it all in one or two days to save gas).  Pick up Superhero #1 from school and then head home to cram in as much fun in the sun as possible since we finally had a warm spring day.  The only problem with my "playing outside" plan was that I also needed to clean the house for piano lessons later in the afternoon, make supper, and leave from piano straight to my Handsome Hubby's work to bring him supper since he had an unexpected meeting late and we all wanted to see each other.

Notice...some of the things in my day I didn't HAVE to do.  I didn't have to cram in outside play time.  But I want to make time with my kids a priority.  If I were to have another heart attack and it were fatal... I don't want them to remember how Mama kept a clean house.  I want them to remember Mama playing, snuggling, and laughing with them.  I didn't HAVE to meet daddy for supper.  But I want them to have that connection with their dad.  They adore them.  He couldn't control having the meeting the day he got back but we could have a little quality time with him before bed.  His work day was brightened, my day was brightened, and the boys' day was brightened.  I even could have left my house messy or made a McDonald's run for supper.  But I didn't.

The kids took their rest time and I vacuumed and mopped.  There wasn't much clutter because in reclaiming our house I've been getting rid of unnecessary stuff.  I wiped down the bathrooms and then moved onto supper.  I had baked chicken with lemon pepper seasoning sprinkled on it the day before.  There wasn't enough leftovers for a full meal so I made some mayo (store stuff has soybean oil or canola oil...both bad for the body and heart, both GMO's aka genetically modified), chopped up the 2 1/2 chicken breasts and 2 celery stalks in the food processor and mixed it all together.  I added a little more lemon pepper and salt to taste and voila...supper was made.  Total time to clean house and make supper...45 minutes.  Total time outside... 2 1/2 hours.  Time with daddy...45 minutes.

Busy day.  Healthy meal.  Happy kids and parents.  Below you'll find our recipe for mayonnaise and lemon pepper chicken.  As a bonus I also added a pic and recipe for a lemon pepper, cucumber, tomato salad.  Enjoy!

Lemon Pepper Cucumber Salad

Lemon Pepper Cucumber Salad

Lemon pepper chicken cubed

1 baby English cucumber sliced in half spheres

1 roma tomato diced

Mix cucumbers, chicken, and tomatoes together.  Drizzle a little olive oil over top.  Sprinkle with salt and lemon pepper (without MSG added!) or preferred seasoning to taste.  Enjoy!

Mama's Mayo
3 large organic eggs
1 1/4 tsp dry mustard
1 tsp salt
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 1/2 cup oil (we use macadamia, avocado, almond, or olive oil due to heart health and inflammation reduction)

1.  Place eggs, dry mustard, salt, and lemon juice into blender (we have a Vitamix) in the order listed and secure lid.

2.  Turn on lowest setting

3.  Turn machine on and slowly increase speed to highest setting.  Remove lid plug but NOT THE LID:-) (if possible).

4.  While machine is running, slowly pour oil through the lid plug opening into the container.  As mixture begins to thicken, the oil can be added at a faster rate.  The process should take about a minute.

5.  Stop machine and stir in any oil sitting on top.

6.  Refrigerate in a separate container and use within 2 to 4 weeks.



Chicken Salad Salad
3 boneless skinless chicken breasts
2-3 organic celery stalks
lemon pepper or preferred seasoning(dill, Emeril's original essence, etc)
salt
mayo

Place chicken on a foil lined pan and sprinkle with sea salt and lemon pepper.  Bake at 350 for 30 minutes.  Remove and cool.  Prepare mayo.  Cut chicken and celery in large chunks and place in food processor together.  Pulse chicken and celery until desired texture.  Remove from food processor and mix with mayo.  Add salt and extra seasoning to taste.  Serve on Nut Thin or Paleo crackers, paleo bread, lettuce wraps, or a bed of lettuce with tomatoes.  Enjoy!

You've Got to Accentuate the Positive, Eliminate the Negative

My sister watched a lot of classic movies from the 40's so perhaps that's why this song pops into my head from time to time.  I googled the lyrics (not knowing where it's from) and apparently it was on a movie from that time period.  So thanks sis!  The full song was written by John Mercer.

Here's a little Bing Crosby and the Andrew's Sisters so you can hear what I keep hearing in my head...

 So in reclaiming my life I have tried to simplify and be more positive.  Not just in my eating, but in my everyday functioning, thoughts, life in general.  I didn't realize how much I had tied up emotionally in "stuff" in my house.  The sad thing is I was going to pass it onto my kids.

I taught for 10 years before becoming a full time at home mom.  During those years, repeatedly I saw the culture of entitlement.  Kids truly believed they deserved grades that they hadn't earned.  They thought they should get a reward for simply doing their work.  Now in small amounts, I am all for prizes.  But there are limits.  So I wanted to do different by our kids.  My parents didn't give us anything we wanted and I'm glad they didn't.  We had to work for it and all have a strong work ethic.

We live in a small house and just can't keep everything.  This has challenged me to free myself of a lot of "stuff" and teach my kids to free themselves as well.  I didn't want them to be resentful of me for donating their items though.  I felt guilty getting rid of things.  So at 2 years old, I had Superhero #1 begin donating things to "kids who don't have toys".  I would hold up 2 items (a favorite of his and one he didn't play with) and ask him which one we should keep.  Each time we did this it became easier until he started finding items for me.  He will be 5 this month and much to my surprise, he asked me for some bags and left for his bedroom.  When he came out he had filled 2 large paper grocery bags with toys.  His idea.  Not my idea.  He said, "Mom, we can bring these ones to the Salvation Army.  I don't play with them anymore.  Then I can make room for more toys for my birthday."  I couldn't have been more proud.  He was truly ok with it and has since helped clean out more.  We're up to 4 bags of toys and books now.

He inspired me to rid myself of more clothes, CD's, books, etc so our house can stay clean with less effort.  The crazy thing is the more you free yourself of stuff, the cleaner your mind feels.  It's like a weight is lifted.  It doesn't take as long to clean up.  So I have more time for family.  This makes me happier and the kids happier.  It's a positive cycle to start.  I realized I had a bit of that entitlement focus too.  I was focusing on what I didn't have instead of how blessed we were to have what we do.  When I  started "accentuating the positive" in all areas I was freeing myself to be happy in the NOW.

Are there things I want still?  Of course!  They're normal things...just like everyone else.  But like the Bible verse Phillipians 4:11 says, Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.

Isn't contentment what everyone is searching for?  I'm content where God puts me and I hope and pray my kiddos can learn that as well.  My challenge for you is to get a paper grocery bag and fill it up.  Rid your life of one load and see how it feels.  If you can do two bags, do two.  It's hard at first but trust me...it gets easier.   While you're at it throw out some processed food too.  :-)

Teach Your Children Well

Since my kids have been little I've tried to cue them into what their body is telling them. Since I worked in the field of Deaf Education for several years my kids learned ASL early and were able to communicate with me early. When they were filling their diaper with smelly gifts for me I cued them into what they were doing. When they had just peed I filled them in on that. As a result, I believe they potty trained early and even now at 2 1/2 my second superhero can alert me to where he has an owie (strep throat, flu, cold, headache, etc). They're more specific with their descriptions of things.


As we've continued on this food journey away from processed foods I've experimented a bit. When we visit the bank or doctor's office and are offered a lollipop I watch to see how they react. Then I cue them in if there is a very clear obvious reaction. My almost 5 year old has realized that he can't seem to finish the large lollipop without feeling sick to his stomach. My 2 1/2 year old literally runs in circles about 5 minutes after having anything with artificial food dyes in it. I try not to be too strict with my kids. So I make healthier substitutes for foods so they don't feel like they're missing out.


My Handsome Hubby went out of town for a few days so I decided to test out our stomachs. Crazy I know but we had a sleepover party with all the "good" things. Gluten free pizza, Ruffles, chocolate chip cookies, and juice mixed with club soda. Keep in mind, we've been on a 90% grain free processed sugar free diet for 10 months now. No juice is in our house, pop just doesn't happen. My kids were crying and felt sick by bedtime. My almost 5 year old said, "I just don't feel good mom. Now I know why you don't want us to have junk food." Granted moderation is the key and I just let them eat until they felt they were full but I wanted them to realize how food affects how you feel. My experiment worked.


So now my challenge to you. I know I've said it before but I'm going to say it again. Start to change your family's eating habits now. You can do it gradually. Cut out pop week one. Cut out juice week two. Rid your house of drinking your calories. Cut out coffee creamers or make your own out of real cream, maple syrup, and vanilla. Cut out chips. Our bodies weren't made to eat the processed foods and when you eat them, you overeat them. Your brain says you need more when in actuality you don't. Eating whole foods fills you faster and keeps you satisfied longer. You'll eat fewer calories and get your family off the emotional roller coaster of carb mood highs and lows. Start small and keep moving forward. It's worth it but you have to keep trying to see the results.

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Reality Check

Last week, I had several reality checks.  I developed a bad sinus infection and was knocked down and out with it.  Reality check #1...I am not invincible and even though I'm trying to do everything right to be the healthiest and strongest woman possible...I still get sick.  Thankfully with some colloidal silver, vitamins, sleep, and a sinus rinse three times a day I'm seeing the other side of it.  So needless to say the house got a bit messy, I had a bit less energy for playing, and I had to make a more conscious effort to not sit like a slug on the couch.

My reality check #2 came from Superhero #1.  He had a bad dream.  I lay with him that night and he kept moving an arm or a foot to touch me.  Just to make sure I was still there.  I know sometimes I get resentful about being up at night when I'm tired and want my sleep.  But that night I just lay there praying for this precious little guy next to me and tried to stay awake long enough for him to sleep and me to switch back to my own bed.  There's more to the dream but first I need to explain a bit about my frame of mind.

The next day was Sunday and it was packed with fun.  I was exhausted having been up with both kids the night before, having a sinus infection for a week, and not working out which makes me more tired.  We were supposed to go to a farm to see the maple syrup tapping class but I just wanted to stay home and have a pity party.  Then my little guy told me what his dream about and it changed everything.

He followed me inside while Superhero #2 stayed outside with Daddy playing in the snow.  I was surprised he came in and selfishly a bit disappointed because I thought I was going to sit at the table by myself for a bit.  Then Reality Check #3 came:

"Mama...that dream last night was a bad one."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Well, Mama...I kind of do and kind of don't"
"It's up to you buddy.  When you're ready I'm here."
"Mama, I dreamt you were up in heaven and not here with us anymore.  You got really sick and you couldn't play anymore because you were with Jesus."  Tears streaming down his face.

My heart broke.  Here I was having a pity party and my son was contemplating my mortality.  He's seen me in the hospital 3 times in a year.  Appendicitis, heart attack, stress tests.  Overnight hospital stays for multiple days.  Follow-up checks.  It's taken a year for him to finally stop asking me "How long is your doctor appointment this time mama?  Do you have to stay overnight?"

I get stressed easily.  I get overwhelmed.  But this year I've taken an active role in trying to change my thought process and my way of connecting with my family.  I had slipped the past week into my "poor me" mentality.  But you know what?  God used a 4 year old to give me a slap upside the head to say..."No...not poor me!  Lucky me!  Blessed me!"  I want to teach my kids that you can be down but not out.  That you need to seize every moment.  That life is short.  Let's go live it!

Checking out the baby lamb twins.  Just 2 hours old and still a bit messy.  Just like our lives at times.  :-)

So we went to the maple syrup thing.  Got there too late but visited the farm animals and enjoyed it.  I did have to go to the car early to warm up but afterwards we went to a Thai restaurant and all enjoyed a feast.

Some may wonder what I said to him when he told me about his dream.  Did I cry?  Did I say anything?  Did I downplay it?  I didn't cry and I didn't downplay it.
"Oh buddy, God's not done with me yet.  Last year, mama was really sick.  But God didn't take me home yet because He still has plans for me here.  Part of those plans are helping you and your brother grow up into big strong men who love God.  He wants me here so He's taking care of me so I can take care of you.  I love you so much and I'm not going anywhere."

He trotted off outside after that.  At peace.  Trusting that his Mama was going to be ok.  And I am.