Thursday, December 5, 2013

Walking Through Grief..

So when I started this blog, I fully intended it to be about healthy eating, health tips, time with family, etc. I soon realized it became a place where others followed my journey and walked through their journey at the same time.  We all have different challenges in this road to health.  We all struggle with different things.  Nobody is perfect and I don't want anyone to think I don't struggle too. But I have two little boys who I need to be around for in body and in spirit. So here is my journey...

As some of you know my dad passed away a month ago. So in this health journey I now am stress's so easy to do and so hard to stop. I bake when I am stressed. Then the baking must be eaten. So then I gain weight. Then I stress about that. It's a vicious unhealthy cycle.  But it's reality. 

I strive to be honest here. I may not tell you all the specifics of my life but grief is something that strikes us all.  And from grief we all must rise and move forward.  So it is that path I hope to share with you. I miss my dad. I miss his gentle nature. I miss his wise advice. I miss his jokes. I miss seeing his eyes light up every time he sees his grand kids. But missing him won't bring him back.

I have been through deep depression one time in my life and it was debilitating. I never, ever want to return there. I learned I had to keep moving.  I had to keep living because I was still alive. I had to reach outside of myself to help others so I was reminded its not just about me. I had to shower. I had to eat right. I had to exercise. I had to pray and walk so closely with God that He carried me because in truth I just didn't have the strength to walk on my own.  I had to cry...really cry and ask God for help. I had to lean on others and in leaning on others, in letting God hold me, I found my strength again.

I don't have that strength back yet. My five year old could "hear sad in" my voice last night as we talked about cousins and Grandpa. But I do have the complete assurance that my Heavenly Father cares very much about my pain and my sadness and is providing what I need when I need it...even if it's just a shoulder to cry on or a blog entry to write.

Psalm 23

King James Version (KJV)

23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

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