Life has been busy the past couple months. I've realized time seems to slip through my fingers before I can catch it. Today's post doesn't involve any recipe. It's more about acceptance and trust. Part of reclaiming my life after the heart attack is realizing that life from here on out might be different and accepting that.
I had my 1 year check with the cardiologist this week. Thankfully it went incredibly well. I am off 2 of my medications so I'll have fewer side effects to manage. Fewer chemicals being put in my body. I'll still have 2 that I need to take daily to keep my heart healthy. One of which may put any future baby's in my womb at an increased risk of deformities. It's not a huge percentage. But it caused my Handsome Hubby and I to stop and think about what we want.
Up to this point we've wanted more. It's been open ended. No specifics on when, how, etcetera. Now it's more gray. I'm scared. Doctors can say I'd be fine pregnant but they still can't explain why or how I had a heart attack at 34. They can't explain the tenderness I still feel in the site of the heart stent from time to time when I'm run down or sick.
I'm one to trust God for direction in all things. Fortunately, I've learned that especially in the down and dirty, yucky stuff of life...HE is there. HE has helped me. HE is the ONE who keeps me going. When I lay on the table and was told I had experienced a heart attack and needed a stent placed immediately...I didn't feel fear. I felt HIS peace surround me and strengthen me. I felt thankful that HE saved me...that I'd get to play with my boys again and see them grow up.
We don't know what our family is meant to look like from here on out. We just know we're doing a lot of thinking, talking, praying, and trusting. Sometimes in reclaiming your life you have to let go of the details so you can figure them out. That's where we're at right now. Waiting on an answer and trusting it will come.