Sunday, November 18, 2012


So it's Thanksgiving and Christmas season which always causes me to reflect on the year and how things are going.  In the past, I would get increasingly more stressed trying to meet everyone's needs and ignoring my own.  I probably would have stayed in that pattern.  Trying to keep everyone happy.  Setting my own alternate reality and being disappointed if it didn't work out exactly how I wanted.  Being a little bit more anxious.  A little bit more on edge.  A little bit more easily offended and more likely to hurt others with my sarcasm.

Now I'm not saying things are going perfectly this year.  But it is nice to see that I'm slowly learning.  Slowly, realizing what is in my control and what is not.  Realizing that I can only do what I can do and then I need to relax and enjoy the time I have.  Slowly, accepting that my feelings and my reality is ok.  It's ok if I feel stressed.  It's ok if I let things go.  My emotions are ok.  I'm owning them and not apologizing for being myself.  If others don't like it then it's not my problem.  It doesn't mean I can or should be rude or hurtful to them.  It just means they have their emotions and I have mine.  I'm also owning my words and how they can build others up or completely tear them apart.

In the past, I may have said these words and they sounded fine and dandy in my head but my heart wasn't there yet.  Now, I feel at peace.  I'm learning.  I'm more at ease as a mom, as a wife, as a sister, as a daughter.  I believe in my core that God loves me as me and I'm His work in progress.  A good friend says we need to work for "progress and not perfection".  So when I have my slip-ups.  When I'm too hard on myself or feel my "old me" trying to measure up or being sarcastic I remind myself to give myself a break.  I'm open to changing me and it's working.  I feel peace.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

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